George sucks and this will be the last time I mention him. Completely misled on his character, and have since been brought to my senses. In future, will not! be so easily enamoured by random boys who show the slightest bit of interest. I am better than that. Or at least I should be and so I’ve decided from now on! – I AM!
In other news, I cannot BEAR working at this company anymore. I am so tired. My timetable is a bitch because we’re on a rota and so my shifts are all over the place. One day I’m closing (5pm-11pm) and the next, I’m doing 12pm-6pm. It doesn’t sound horrible but I have to squeeze in sleep and food and don’t really have time for much else. I also have started really dreading work. When I get there, I feel like I’m leaving some of my soul behind. I hate it.
I haven’t mentioned it on this blog as of yet but I took the year-old advice my therapist gave me and went to see a career advisor. She’s brilliant, I’ve been seeing her since February now? and I’ve decided the course I want to take, and the unis I want to apply to. I’m going to start writing my personal statement now. Hopefully, I’m going to get in for this september.
In other related news, I also applied to an apprenticeship at a very well-known and respected company. It’s a year long and they will actually pay me more than I earn now. And I’ll get a qualification for it too which is brilliant. And I won’t be in debt. But I won’t get the freedom or the uni experience. So idk.
I’ll see after I know what my options are. I’ve only just applied.
But that’s all.
So. about George. I haven’t seen him in a week already and I won’t be seeing him until next week and I was thinking about Valentines and about how my love life is D.O.A. and then it clicked. All two of my friends are on tinder, I SHOULD JOIN TOO!
And at first, I was being a little stiff, it’s just such a bizarre situation. It was like I was interviewing them, i’m so bad at flirting. But now I just say whatever nonsense I’m thinking and this tactic has been working really well! I’m actually talking to about 3 different guys right now.
There was also a guy early on who was SO cute and we matched. I said hi, and he unmatched me! I know it was just one guy and whatever but it really hurt my feelings lol. But then! there’s been another guy who is really so, so cute and I said that to him! (I can’t believe how bold I am sometimes) and he said THANKS and then he said i’m FUCKING GORGEOUS too. I’m still talking to him.
In conclusion: CUTE BOYS think I am cute. MULTIPLE boys. This isn’t an anomaly, this is just fact. I’m CUTE. i’m good enough for some of the cutest boys i’ve ever seen. like, cute to the point where i’d be too intimidated to be in the same room as irl. Like, I’d look away, get out of their way straight away. I hadn’t even considered that they might like me. THEY LIKE ME. I’M CUTE.
This has been a huge accidental boost to my self-esteem lol.
Love from Carter xx
I don’t think I’ve told you this yet but I’m a media studies student. Right now, we’re making a music video as part of a group and I’ve gently nudged my group into doing my choice of song – Leon Bridges’ Better Man. I am the director and I’m honestly so excited about this.
Today was the first day of filming and there were a few hiccups (a few of our actors kept being obnoxiously loud in the public area that was our location and my co-director turned up two hours late high as a kite) but we got some really good footage. This time around with our group project, I was being very specific about how I wanted the video to look. (I’m the only actual director).
I don’t know why I’m writing this lol but I feel pretty proud of myself for managing to do some good work in all of that chaos.
I really like directing. There’s a little part of me that wants to be a director or something to do with movies but how do you break into something like that? Especially when it seems like you’ve kind of missed that stage of your life when you should’ve been setting yourself up for your career?
As always, any help or discussion would be appreciated. In the meantime, I’m going to continue feeling good about that minute or so of footage we shot today and concentrate on this extra awesome music video that I’m going to direct. 🙂