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Dear Ginny,

It’s wednesday today but I do have exciting news from the past week.

On thursday last week, I had lunch and – get this – then went outside for a lesson. Me! I actually ATE and THEN WENT OUTSIDE. I know that sounds ridiculous, and part of it is funny because it is ridiculous but I haven’t done that in about 2 years. Two things to keep in mind;

  1. I did go to the bathroom a good amount of time before I left for my lesson (to poop incase you don’t understand my brand of vague).
  2. It was only one one-hour lesson. Factoring in travel time, that’s ~2 hours. A relatively short time.

So no, I didn’t actually poop at school (that maybe would’ve been too much for me to handle). But this is crucial progress. It was a pretty big lunch too lol.

Second of all, some LOooOveeE. Or atleast, something vAGueLy sExuAl. In my school, the social gap between the years is pretty strict. Not enforced by anyone, but nobody wants to talk to someone in the year below and so when someone becomes friends with someone in a different year, everyone is weirded out. When someone is in a relationship with someone in a different year, it’s even stranger. Even stranger (not for any real reason, just because we’ve all been conditioned by society to think so) is when the girl is older. I know – scandalous.

Well, there’s this girl in the year above me (I used to be in that year and I know her pretty well) and she’s started going out with a boy in my year. I was a little freaked out at first but then I realised that there’s nothing wrong with that and I’m just being a little stupid. So that was okay.

So the second part is that, there’s this boy in my year. He’s cute, seems nice enough but honestly, he is way out of my league. So sometimes, I see him and it’s like all this sExuAl teNsiOn between us. Yesterday, I was in school, and I was walking down the stairs. It was lunch so it was pretty crowded. When I got to the bottom of said stairs, there was a gap so I slid in (not literally). Just then, the boy infront of me decided to stop and shout something to a friend on the other side of the crowd. I obviously stopped aswell, but guess who didn’t? The boy behind me. He pretty much walked into me, he was so close I could feel his entire body against me for a second. My initial reaction was “ugh wtf” but then he said sorry so I looked back and it was THE boy. I quickly mumbled a quick “it’s fine” and went on my way.

Several things to discuss here:

  1. Oh my god, am I exaggerating how important this is? I’m pretty sure I am. But you’ve been young before, you know how to get excited over every little interaction and dissect every single glance shared.
  2. There was a noticeable gap between when I stopped and when tHe BoY walked into me. This could be explained easily by “he wasn’t paying attention, it was an accident jesus chill out m8”). I didn’t actually realise this at first hahaha, but the other explanation is that he did it on purpose? maaaybe? Now, I recognize that that is absolutely crazy – “man, I am just gonna walk straight into her” but idk, maaaybe? I’m being ridiculous, oh my god, but STILL.
  3. When he said sorry, he was on my left. Although this is my better side, I think I may have looked ugly because of the angle. He was literally behind my left shoulder. And I didn’t turn fully to look at him, I basically peeked at him. Fuck. I’m going into hiding fuck, he’s just so nice. I’m so embarrassed.

Okay, I’m done.

From Carter.

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